A Change In Seasons
by staceyyyy
Summary: Different stages in their ever changing relationship; their very own Spring, Summer, Autumn and Winter. Four-shot fic. Warning for Mature themes and Angst.
1. Spring

**Disclaimer - I do not own Arrow. **

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**~Spring~**

"_It's spring fever. That is what the name of it is. And when you've got it, you want—oh, you don't quite know what it is you do want, but it just fairly makes your heart ache, you want it so!" ― __Mark Twain_

As the days grew longer and the nights grew warmer he began to realize that no matter what he told himself, no matter how much he convinced himself that this was wrong, he could not make himself walk away from this woman. This light that shone so bright it almost blinded him.

She was his beacon on a cold winters day, beckoning him towards the warmth that only home could provide. Because that's what she had become, unbeknownst to the both of them, she had become his world and saving grace. After he had endured torture, flirted with death on countless occasions, and seen firsthand all the horrors that life had to offer, she was the one thing that could bring him out of the darkness which threatened to overwhelm him each day.

And he wanted her, God how he wanted her. Wanted in absolutely every sense of the word; mind body and soul. He wanted to talk to her, to hear her musical voice babble about things that he didn't have a chance of comprehending. He wanted to hold her in his arms, never to let go, as his fingers brushed through the tresses of her golden locks that acted as her own personal halo. But he also wanted her panting and withering beneath him, screaming his name until her voice was hoarse from the strain. He had imagined how being with her would be like a thousand times over, had on numerous occasions thought of how each crevice of her body would look like as he undressed her and allowed his eyes to finally feast on her.

His mind was snatched from any further daydreams as the sound of her heels echoed throughout the foundry, the space that he had learned to call home for the past couple of months.

"Oliver".

And he was still shocked at all the both hidden and conspicuous meanings that were caught up in that one word as she utters it. It's both a greeting and a chastising.

_Are you okay? _

_Have you even slept? _

_What are you doing here on our one day off? _

He chooses to answer the first unasked question because it seems to be the easiest.

"I'm fine Felicity, just thought I'd get a workout in while its still quiet in QC".

She studies him for a second and he swears that she can see right into the very depths of his soul. He's very aware of the fact that she knows he's avoiding telling her all the things on his mind but as always she doesn't press. Unlike everybody else in his life she never demands more of him, doesn't ask questions that even he doesn't have answers to.

Maybe that was the reason she was the only one he had ever wanted to open up to since Lian Yu.

He watches as she slowly nods her head and moves away from him in the direction of her babies, allowing a sense of calm to wash over him. It's the only thing that can keep him calm these days if he's being entirely honest with himself, to have her here, under his watchful gaze, away from the danger and pain that the wicked world can inflict on her. No, these are the moments he craved, just the two of them in their own little world doing their own things, together even though they technically weren't _together_.

It was hours later that he finally moved away from the training mats towards her, careful to make noise in the hopes of not spooking her. He should have known better as the instant his fingers reach her shoulder her hands are flying from her keyboard as she lets out a squeal of surprise and turns her chair to face him, dislodging his hand from its perch on her shoulder in the process.

And he can't for the life of him contain the smile that overcomes his face when she looks up at him with a mixture of mirth and annoyance. Nor can he withhold his laughter when she sees said smile and proceeds to slap and whack him for having the audacity to laugh at her in the first place.

"I really should put a bell on you, your stealth is getting out of hand," she says, but there is no malice in her words, just the easy amusement of a threat that she would never fulfill.

His hand, ever the traitor, has already unbeknownst to him found its way to her shoulder yet again and he only realizes the gesture when he sees her tilt her head ever so slightly towards it, as if she desperately wants to put her cheek on it but is fighting a loosing battle with herself.

This is the way they had always been, too scared to touch one another beyond the everyday modest touches but not being able to keep their distance all together. They had always been drawn to each other and the subtle touches were at this point more of a necessity to him. He needed them like he needed air to breathe. He needed to feel her warm under his fingertips, needed to feel her pulse strong and alive under his palm.

He allows his thumb to continue drawing circles just below the bone of her shoulder, consciously this time, as he says his next words.

"Do you want to go grab lunch?"

Its not a date, they have had lunch together before, but he still wonders why this feels like the beginning of something new. But he pushes that thought to the back of his mind.

He has long ago given up fighting this, fighting her, fighting _them_. He wants this, wants this more than he has ever wanted anything in his life.

And if this is the start of something between them, the first blossoms in the first days of spring, he was so happy that his winter was finally breaking. That the cold was finally letting go of the reigns on his heart and his soul.

Yes, Felicity Smoak was his shining beacon, his breath of fresh air as she nods her head in agreement, already on a tangent about where the best place to eat out was as she gathers her things.

Yes things were changing; he couldn't wait to see where these changes would lead.


	2. Summer

**Disclaimer – I do not own the Arrow. **

***Mature Warning (not all that much)***

**.**

**~Summer~**

_"The summer night is like a perfection of thought" – Wallace Stevens_

Heat.

That is the only word that comes to his mind when he tries to comprehend everything that this woman does to him.

She is the warmth that he seeks when the cold is seeping into him, clasping at his soul with its talons around his heart. She is the flame that wards off his demons on the days that they threaten to consume him.

He lets out a sigh when he realizes she's awake, the wandering fingertips that are now leaving licks of flame in their wake as they travel in precarious directions on his abdomen giving her away. He could not seem to get enough of her.

With his nose buried in her hair he kisses the crown of her head, hoping without any real intent that the exploring hands would stop.

"Felicity".

But all he gets in answer is a muffled "mmm," her face still pressed into his chest as she snuggles further into his side.

"Felicity if we're going to have any hope of getting out of this bed today you're going to have to stop".

He should have known better, he should have known that she would take that as a challenge. And perhaps somewhere in the back of his mind he did, perhaps his mind knew exactly what it was doing because her answering words where music to his ears.

She finally moved her head so that she could look up at him and meet his blissful gaze with her own fiery blue orbs.

"And what if I don't want to leave this bed all day? What if I want to spend the day wrapped around you, in this bed? Of 'course we'd probably have to order in as at the moment I'm probably down to a loaf of bread and stale milk in the fridge, because as you know very well I'm never here. And that's your fault. And we always get take out, which by the way let's try that new place that opened down the road? I should have their flyer somewhere in…"

Her mind truly did work in mysterious ways. How she could go from propositioning him and getting him so aroused that it almost hurt, to talking about what food they should order in the space of a couple of moments he would never know but he wouldn't change it for the world.

And he still thinks that he would go through all the hell he has been through all over again, all five years of purgatory, just so he could meet her all over again.

Her babble abruptly ended when he switched their positions so that he was hovering above her, his left hand cupping her face while his right held himself upright.

The giggle that reached his ears lightened his heart just a fraction more as she proceeded to grind her hips higher to meet his in response.

"Well I never said we had to order right now, calm down, we can wait until after we've had…desert? If you want?"

Something clogged in his throat when he heard the uncertainty in her voice, and he would forever be baffled at how this amazing woman could have any insecurities about herself.

Among all the women he's been with, all the nameless and faceless girls that have come in and out of his life, in all his years, he has never fallen so completely and so desperately in love with someone until he met her. Until he walked into her office with a laptop that he may or may not have spilled a latte on and saw her stick a red pen into her mouth.

He had loved Laurel, without a doubt, but that was a destructive love that was condemned before it even began. He knew that the blame was on him, he wasn't ready at the time, was too young, too naïve and too reckless to be able to understand what love was.

But that was another life.

No one had ever even come close to what he felt for Felicity and while she still had doubts, he vowed that he would spend every day of his life proving to her that she was irreplaceable. That she was utterly and completely perfect in every way.

He came down to her but bypassed her mouth, allowing his lips to just barely graze against her jaw until they reached her ear.

"I'm a firm believer that desert should always be first".

He could feel the shiver of desire go through her as he barred his teeth and ran them along the length of her neck just below her ear, only to then sooth the area down with his tongue and then allow his breath to fan over the expanse until he was rewarded with the sight of goose bumps erupting on her skin.

"Oliver…"

Perfection. Pure and utter perfection.

Her throaty voice in his ear, the way her hands fluttered down the skin of his back as if she didn't want to miss a single part of him, until they reached the curve of his ass to push him impossibly closer to her awaiting heat, all of it was a sweet torture for him that he would gladly die for.

"Tell me what you want, Felicity".

He wasn't playing fair, he knew the way he said her name made her go crazy, but he would play every single trick up his sleeve to keep her for as long as she would allow him.

"You".

"And you have me, but what do you want right now?"

She looked up into his eyes then, moving her hands from his backside to his shoulders to push him until he got the message that she wanted him to roll over. It confused him but he knew that he could never deny her anything.

But she didn't get up and leave, she just straddled him with a thigh on each side of his, the sheets falling from around her until she was completely bare on top of him, open for the eager perusal of his eyes. He forced his gaze to meet hers, fighting with himself to not look lower and take in the creamy expanse of her neck that he would find, the collarbones that were slightly marked red from his beard, the enticing breasts that called to him, the soft but flat stomach that he loved to bury his head in after a particularly bad day. No, he avoided looking down in favor of getting lost in those beautiful azure depths that held so much love that he wanted to drown in them.

"You, Oliver. That's all I want. That's all I'll ever want".

And he knew that she meant so much more with those words than just in answer to his question.

In a flash he was sitting upright, with her still sitting on his thighs as his arms circled her in a protective embrace, pulling her in closer until he could barely tell were he ended and she began.

"And you are all I want Felicity. You are all I will ever need".

And after that there was no more talking, no more words were needed. Just their soft sounds echoing throughout the room as they swayed to a rhythm older than time itself.

As hands and lips explored the inches of skin given freely to be worshipped, neither one cared about drowning in the warmth that surrounded them.

The heat that they hoped would always be there to guide them home.

**Hope you are all enjoying so far, for those that want 'action and plot' rather than 'words' there will be a hell of a lots more in the third and especially the fourth chapter. Its meant to be building :). This idea has been swirling for months now and I'm pretty happy to be getting it down on paper now that its structured out in my head. **

**In relation to the first two episodes of season three - no words. To the point where i haven't even been able to read any of the latest Arrow fanfictions (and i've read everything daily for about two years). Its not that he's pulling away from Felicity - because we all knew that would happen as soon as they got close - its the way they are going about it. And how easily Felicity gave up on him to work for the competitor. And how Digg was 'off' the team and now he's back 'on' the team. And Sara dying (broke me a little inside). And all the Laurel scenes (cringe). **

**The only good thing that I saw was the budding friendship of Felicity/Roy. **

**And so i apologise for the lateness in the update. I just couldn't pull myself out of this Arrow funk (I've turned to OUAT in this time of darkness). **

**Hope everyone stays safe in the lead up to Christmas :) - Love to all - Stace. **


	3. Autumn

**Disclaimer – I do not own Arrow. **

**~Autumn~**

_The time when everything bursts with its last beauty, as if nature had been saving up all year for the grand finale." ― __Lauren DeStefano__, __Wither_

He couldn't for the life of him figure out what he had done to deserve the woman before him. He would thank God and everything holy that the fates thought him worthy of this gift life had given him.

She sat in her white summer dress, a complete picture of perfection, her melodious voice so sweet and gentle as she sang a lullaby to the boy currently fighting a loosing battle with sleep in her lap. A boy that had appeared into their lives unexpectedly, instantly changing their lives forever.

Connor Queen, the son he never knew he had, had shown up on his doorstep with a birth certificate and a single note from his newly deceased mother early one Autumn afternoon. And no paternity test was needed to know whose child he was; he was the exact replica of Oliver himself at that age, with his startling blue eyes and mop of blond hair.

And of course he had panicked.

Panicked for having brought a life into this world, this dark and dangerous world that surrounded him. Panicked for his newfound status of 'father', because how could he of all people cope with all the responsibility that came with a child? Panicked for his still new and precious relationship with Felicity, knowing that this would have to be the final straw for her to get up and leave him to finally deal with his problems himself.

Because why would she stay?

And yet again the woman proved him wrong, proved to him that he would never stop underestimating her strength and just how much she was capable of loving those around her.

He wouldn't have known what to do without her in those first couple of weeks. He didn't know the first thing about children, let alone what to do with one that was his own, and that fact scared him more than he could ever put into words.

Connor was more weary of him than anything, too young to understand the gravity of the situation but old enough to understand that the new man in his life was his father, and Oliver didn't know how he would have finally connected with his son if it hadn't been for Felicity.

Because like father, like son, Connor Queen had fallen in love with Felicity Smoak at first sight. To this day, three months after their first meeting, Connor still looked up at her in awe as if she was an angel enchanted to life right out of one of the fairytale stories his mother used to read to him.

Stories that Felicity now read to him each night.

Because as much as the boy loved her, the feeling was more than mutual.

When Oliver had thought that she was going to run she had done the exact opposite and took the whole situation in stride, accepting the boy as if he was her own, even as Oliver tried and failed to do the same.

A decision had been made that Connor and him would stay with her for a while, not wanting the child to have to get used to a new life on top of a new ridiculously large mansion that he could easily get lost in.

Arrow business had been taken over by Diggle and Roy as Oliver used the time to wrap his head around having a child. To try and figure out why life was throwing yet another curveball at him. And as days turned into weeks, and with Felicity's help, and sometimes forceful nudges, Oliver's and Connor's relationship grew and they had grown gradually closer.

The three of them had gone to the park and had picnics, had outings to the movies and on one memorable occasion Connor had somehow convinced him that the zoo was a good idea. And he honestly couldn't say who out of his two companions had been more excited on the day to see the baby lions.

Connor had brought something to his life that he hadn't known was missing.

Felicity Smoak, the love of his life, had brought light into his life, had pulled him out of the darkness that had a chokehold grasp on his soul.

Connor Queen, the child he would never have guessed he had, had brought him peace after years in which nothing good happened.

And before he knew it they were a family, a family that he now couldn't imagine his life without.

He now knew what if felt like to fall asleep on the lounge holding the two most important people in his life safely tucked into his side. He had felt the rush of coming home from the office to find them covered in flour in the kitchen, holding onto their sides as their laughter echoed throughout the townhouse.

And he wouldn't trade it for anything.

A few months ago he had thought that he had everything that he had ever needed, everything that he had ever wanted.

Oliver Queen was wrong.

This right here, this remarkable woman in her flowery white summer dress, her golden halo of hair obscuring her face as she leaned down to press a kiss to his sons head that was currently in her lap, this was something that he had never dreamed of. Never even imagined he could have.

But this is the gift that life had given him, his little piece of heaven, and he would treasure it for as long as he could.

**I am officially back from a very extended FF sabbatical. Thank you so much for those still reading, following, reviewing and favoriting this and my other stories. I'm in the process of finishing all of them before anything new is started. **

**Hope you and your families stayed safe over the holidays and had a fabulous time. HAPPY 2015!**

**Love to all as always, **

**Staceyyyy – XOX **


	4. Winter

**Disclaimer – I do not own Arrow. **

**~Winter~**

"_Another secret of the universe: Sometimes pain was like a storm that came out of nowhere. The clearest summer could end in a downpour. Could end in lightning and thunder." ― __Benjamin Alire Sáenz__, __Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe_

The cold was back.

Seeping into every single fiber of his being until he felt numb, until he almost couldn't feel the lethal pain that was festering in his chest.

Almost.

Ever since he had stepped onto the Gambit his life hadn't been easy, from the five years of hell that he had endured to the rise of the Arrow he had never had a decent nights sleep. First the very thought of sleeping and not being able to protect himself while unaware prevented him from a peaceful slumber. Later it was the nightmares that plagued him in the cover of the night that made sleep unattainable.

That was until a blonde ray of sunshine forced herself into his haunted life and made him look at the world in another light. She had made him find another way. She had conquered his demons one by one until he was stripped bare in front of her, and even after everything, after having seen all of him, all that he had done and all that he was, she still loved him. Still looked at him as if he was the best thing that had ever happened to her.

She was his angel of light.

And now the nightmares were back.

He was back to waking up screaming in his own bed, his sweat drenched body entangled in bed sheets that had managed to somehow both strangle him and comfort him with her lingering scent that still clung to the pale yellow linen of her bed.

Ten days.

It had taken him ten days to snap and give up. To leave all of the memories behind that had tormented him at every turn in Starling City. From every single surface of their home bringing him memories of the life that they had shared, to the foundry whose walls still held the presence of the genius hurricane. His car, the office, even the very sight of a cup of coffee or glass of wine brought back a tidal wave of recollections that made him want to curl up into a ball and have the living shit beat out of him so that even for a second the physical hurt could override the emotional turmoil he was feeling.

It had taken him ten days from the moment the bullet instilled itself in her heart to loose every single grasp on reality that he had been unrealistically clinging to.

Because he had to be insane.

His hollow steps carried with the echoes coming off the concrete walls that surrounded him.

It was ironic really that the place he had run to was his very own prison on his very own hell island.

"Kid".

The surprise was evident in the older man's voice but Oliver Queen was too far-gone to notice. The instincts that he had honed over years of training; losing blood, sweat and tears in the process, were all but failing him.

"Slade". His voice was ragged, choked from lack of use. Looking back he realized that this was probably the first time he had spoken in eighteen hours, and even then it was only to charter the plane that had brought him to his very own purgatory.

"I see that someone else succeed in destroying you, someone else won the privilege that I so desperately wanted. Shame it wasn't me".

Slade belatedly realized that his words fell on deaf ears; his taunts holding no meaning to the younger, but visibly broken, man in front of him. His whole body looked like it had capitulated, given up under the strain that was so visibly pulling him down. The ever-tense posture of the Arrow was gone. The ever-ready stance of Oliver Queen had all but vanished.

But it was the eyes that nearly took Slade's breath away.

Here stood a man, the very bane of his existence, the man who had stolen the love of his life right from under him and then sentenced her to die, but even Slade couldn't suppress that stab of something akin to pity that had coursed through his veins for the shattered man before him.

"How?"

The question was barely above a whisper but Slade still caught the word as it fell from Oliver's lips.

His only answer was a raised eyebrow in question. He needed clarification, needed to understand what had happened or what question the younger man needed an answer to.

"How do you live with it? With knowing she's gone?"

It clicked. The girl with the glasses. His Felicity. She was dead then? Slade needed more so he avoided the question.

"How did she die?"

The words caused the kid's whole body to flinch and his eyes snap shut, as if in an effort to prevent his mind from retrieving the images of her death.

"She…"

Slade waited for the man to clear his throat; a foolish attempt to collect himself.

"Bullet through the heart. It was an attempt to kidnap my son. She was picking him up from school. I've seen the footage a million times over. She tried to save him, tried to get him to run while she blocked their path. And they… they didn't even hesitate; didn't even think before they fired. One bullet".

Slade could relate to the haunted look that overwhelmed the younger man's face.

"And the boy?"

"He's fine. In all the commotion they had to bail on their plan. They just gave up after achieving nothing but completely destroying me by killing her". His voice grew stronger as he spoke, as if for the first time in his life he had a purpose. Slade thought that in a way, it was the only purpose Oliver Queen could see in his life.

"Which is why I'm here. You loved Shado, loved her with everything you had and then lost her. So tell me, how do you do it?"

And only now it dawned on Oliver Queen why he had come here.

Ten days ago this would have been the last place that he would have wanted to be. Ten days ago he had nothing in common with Slade Wilson. Ten days ago his life was whole. Ten days ago he would have gone to John Diggle, his partner, friend and brother, to talk over his issues. A man that he wanted to be like and make proud.

Today he had everything in common with Deathstroke.

The crazed laugh that reached Oliver's ears was bone chilling.

"You still haven't learned kid. Still haven't understood anything. You don't live without her; it's an existence. Your heart is beating but you're not alive, there is blood pumping through your veins but it will forever run cold. Your winter has come but there will be no more springs ever again".

God how he missed Shado, every time he closed his eyes his mind would conjure up images of her, the silk curtain that was her ebony hair, the tanned heaven that was her skin, the godly aroma that was her scent. He both loved and hated the fact that he could remember every single curve of her body, could still hear her angelic voice that had comforted him.

Time did not heal all wounds; his pain grew stronger with every passing minute.

And the kid would soon learn that too.

And he would finally have his revenge.

Oliver Queen will finally be destroyed.

.

**So glad to finally put this on paper. This last chapter has been in my brain for over a year and the rest of the story kind of evolved from there. **

**Hope you enjoyed the ride! Would love to hear your thoughts. **

**Love to all! – Stace XOXOX **


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